Romance Styles

Romance Styles Overview

Viktor Gulenko has proposed four groups of romance styles, also referred to as "erotic behavior" groups or "erotic attitudes." Other socionists, such as Valentina Meged and Aleksandr Bukalov, have also written on how type influences behavior in intimate relationships, but discussed typical behavior within quadras. Gulenko's approach was to find common ground between types of different quadras. Obviously, all interpretations in this area assume, or conclude, that the greatest degree of compatibility in that area is between dual pairs. Gulenko's romance styles are defined by the irrational element in the individual's Ego functions:

• Aggressor: Se in the ego block: LSI, SLE, ESI, SEE
• Victim: Ni in the ego block: EIE, IEI, LIE, ILI
• Caregiver: Si in the ego block: ESE, SEI, LSE, SLI
• Infantile: Ne in the ego block: ILE, LII, EII, IEE

"Romance styles" refer specifically to romantic/sexual interaction -- displaying physical attraction, interest, and desire, flirting, and sexual behavior present in romantic relationships. These styles apply much less to relationships between friends or business partners.

Aggressor

The Aggressor types, identified as such by Viktor Gulenko, are the four types with Se in their ego, two each in Beta and Gamma: SLE, LSI, ESI, and SEE.

Despite the differences between these types in terms of temperament, base function, and quadra values, it seems that in the area of physical attraction, desire, flirting, and the like, in intimate relationships, the irrational ego element Se, coupled with their expectations of Ni style behavior in intimate partners, is the most visible factor in an Aggressor's behavior.

Typical characteristics of the Aggressor romance style

• no doubts about own interest in another person
• not prone to hesitation about whether or not to reveal that interest
• focus is more on own interest than whether or not the other person might reciprocate
• romantic interaction is more about "toughness" than "tenderness"
• needs to feel some sense of "superiority" over the partner, but worthwhile only if the partner is seen as able to largely "keep up"
• this takes the form of power games, which others might regard as cruel or bitchy
• in the case of female Aggressors with male partners, the above tends to assume the characteristic of a woman expecting total * * * * * devotion from the partner, rather than her being "bossy"
• little inclination to externally admit not having been the one to end a relationship, unless if adopting a "who cares" front simultaneously

This romance style is defined by focus on Se which is static, irrational, and extroverted. This means that an Aggressor sees attraction to another person as a static state, which he feels it is up to him to change in the direction more in agreement to his preference. This accounts for an Aggressor's inclination to take the initiative in approaching the object of his interest and being "relentless" in his pursuit, as well as, even during an established relationship, continuing to try to "shake things up" or "get things moving". If his partner is not receptive to such behavior, this discourages the Aggressor, and results in his interest cooling off.

Perception of other romance styles

This refers to perceptions of the partner in a romantic or prospective relationship.

• Aggressor: Aggressors tend to perceive other Aggressors as exciting partners worthy of admiration and respect, but ultimately unsatisfactory due to a sense of never-ending competition for an ill-defined "upper hand", which becomes frustrating.
• Victim: Aggressors tend to perceive Victims simultaneously as pleasantly able to "keep up" regarding more "intensive" interactions, and also as not annoyingly prone to always wanting "to win". Aggressor women perceive Victim men as totally devoted yet reassuringly "strong".
• Caregiver: Aggressors tend to perceive Caregivers as somewhat boring and patronizing.
• Infantile: Agressors tend to perceive Infantiles as too goofy and unexciting, ultimately not taking them seriously as partners

Victim

The Victim types, identified as such by Viktor Gulenko, are the four types with Ni in their ego, two each in Beta and Gamma: EIE, IEI, LIE, and ILI.

Despite the differences between these types in terms of temperament, base function, and quadra values, it seems that in the area of physical attraction, desire, and flirting, their Ni, coupled with their expectations of Se style behavior in intimate partners, is the most visible factor in a Victim's behavior.

Typical characteristics of the Victim romance style

• prone to initial doubts about intensity of own interest in another person
• not always confident about revealing that interest
• inclined to focus on whether or not the other person might reciprocate the interest
• inclined to question whether or not the other person's interest will remain constant with time
• preference for partners that provoke in the individual a certain sense of awe in terms of power, physical presence, and the like
• appreciation for the sense of power-play present when interacting with such partners, with acceptance of a slight sense of superiority on the part of the partner, without ever actually "submitting" to them
• this takes the form of the individual somewhat expecting the partner to be "mean" on occasion in the case of Victim males with female partners, this latter trait assumes a characteristic analogous to a "knight devoted to his princess"
• inclination to openly admit to a relationship having been ended by the partner rather than by the individual himself

This romance style is defined by focus on Ni which is dynamic, irrational, and introverted, with perceptions of inner imagery away from the present physical reality. This means that a Victim sees attraction between two individuals as a dynamic state, which he feels is completely natural. This accounts for a Victim's inclination to focus on the mutual attraction, or particularly the attraction felt by the other person, as to its longer-term perspectives and implications, as well as a certain expectation that the partner will continuously take action to confirm the attraction. Failure on the partner to do so results on the individual assuming that it's already changing. The individual counts on the partner to forcefully bring the individual "down to earth from his thoughts " and focus on the immediate physical reality, continuously. ###Perception of other romance styles###

This refers to perceptions of the partner in a romantic or prospective relationship.

• Aggressor: Victims tend to perceive Aggressors as pleasantly reassuring of their interest and prone to take the inititive in that area. They find Aggressor's sexual confidence attractive and reflecting positively on themselves.
• Victim: Victims tend to perceive other Victims as puzzling and inconstant, as if they were playing games or "push-pull" behavior, but also as exciting partners if a stage of "certainty" is reached.
• Caregiver: Victims tend to perceive Caregivers as comfortable and up to a point reassuring partners, but also somewhat boring, leading to a sense of stagnation. The Caregiver's inclination to treat them as somewhat helpless is perceived as slightly insulting.
• Infantile: Victims tend to perceive Infantiles as too goofy and expecting a kind of attention that the Victims find demanding; Victim women are prone to see Infantile men as irritating

Caregiver

The Caregiver types, identified as such by Viktor Gulenko, are the four types with Si in their ego, two each in Alpha and Delta: ESE, SEI, LSE, and SLI. Despite the differences between these types in terms of temperament, base function, and quadra values, it seems that in the area of physical attraction, desire, and flirting, their Si is the most visible factor in determining a Caregivers' behavior.

Typical characteristics of the Caregiver romance style

• attraction is naturally sparked by the perceived aesthetic attributes of the prospective partner, but cooled off if such attributes are * accompanied by a perception of "too aggressive" sexuality
• inclination towards tenderness, "soft" rather than "hard" approach
• prone to adopt maternal approach to the physical comfort and needs of partner
• interest is further maintained if partner welcomes this approach
• prone to assume that partner will need help in practical, daily matters
• neutral as to who ended a relationship, "power" is not seen as important in such matters

This romance style is defined by focus on Si which is dynamic, irrational, and introverted, with perceptions of the present reality and physical sensations rather than inner imagery. This means that a Caregiver sees attraction between two individuals as a dynamic state, which he feels is completely natural, as he also sees the physical comfort and well-being of another person as dynamic. This accounts for a Caregiver's inclination to focus on the mutual attraction, or particularly the attraction felt by the other person, as connected to that person's physical well-being. The individual's own dynamic and introverted Si perceptions lead to a sense of sleepy drifting in them, which makes him welcome Ne impulses from another person designed to shake him out of it from time to time.

Perception of other romance styles

This refers to perceptions of the partner in a romantic or prospective relationship.

• Aggressor: Caregivers tend to perceive Aggressors as a bit over-the-top in their approach to romantic interactions and sexuality and ultimately not pleasant to have stable intimate relationships with.
• Victim: Caregivers tend to perceive Victims as puzzling and never contented, sometimes as paranoid and insecure.
• Caregiver: Caregivers tend to perceive other Caregivers as comfortable partners, but ultimately somehow less than satisfactory.
• Infantile: Caregivers tend to perceive Infantiles as delightful partners with a sense of fun that brings joy to their lives.

Infantile

The Infantile types, identified as such by Viktor Gulenko, are the four types with Ne in their ego, two each in Alpha and Delta: ILE, LII, IEE, and EII. Despite the differences between these types in terms of temperament, base function, and quadra values, it seems that in the area of physical attraction, desire, and flirting, their Ne, coupled with their expectations of Si style behavior in intimate partners, is the most visible factor in determining "infantile'" behavior.

Typical characteristics of the Infantile romance style

• interest is sparked in partner with positive aesthetic attributes divorced from active, "aggressive" sexuality
• tend to try to attract partner's interest with joking, goofy or even "strange" behavior
• try to help partner see the unexpected and fun side of things
• interest is maintained or cools off according to partner's response to this behavior
• appreciation for partner who actively cares about the individual's comfort and daily needs
• neutral with regard to externally admitting who took the initiative in ending a relationship, "power" is seen as unimportant in such matters

This romance style is defined by focus onNe which is static, irrational, and extroverted, with perceptions focused on possibilities and alternatives to the static present reality, which the individual perceives as intrinsically boring and stagnant. This means that an Infantile sees attraction between two individuals as a static state, also from the point of view of the other person, which he tries to "get moving" by actively thinking of variations of the present static state. This accounts for an Infantile's inclination to focus on the mutual attraction, or particularly the attraction felt by the other person, as connected to that person's being exposed to the unexpected, imaginative, fun, even "weird" side of life, reality, and each other, a behavior that can be described as "childlike". This focus leads to a sort of helplessness regarding his own physical well being as perceived by Si, so he welcomes help from others in that area.

Perception of other romance styles

This refers to perceptions of the partner in a romantic or prospective relationship.

• Aggressor: Infantiles tend to perceive Aggressors as a bit too "rough" and even slightly scary on occasion, or perhaps just as obnoxious
• Victim: Infantiles tend to perceive Victims as paranoid and confusing, giving mixed signals.
• Caregiver: Infantiles tend to perceive Caregivers as comforting and pleasant company, with a delightful sense of fun.
• Infantile: Infantiles tend to perceive other Infantiles as fun to spend time with but also as helpless and demanding in a way that they see as stressful.